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10. Pitch Perfect

Beats Glee at its own game.

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9. Take This Waltz

This is a movie that took me a while to digest, but Michelle Williams on the carnival ride set to “Video Killed the Radio Star” is an immediately indelible image.

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8. The Hunger Games

A confident and nearly perfect adaptation.

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7. The Avengers

Rarely are movies as fun (while being empty-headed) as The Avengers.

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6. The Cabin in the Woods

It’s the year of Joss; we all knew he’d get his “big break” some day, but who knew it would happen like this.

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5. Silver Linings Playbook

I don’t really care for the film’s treatment of mental illness, but this was delightful.

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4. Moonrise Kingdom

I don’t really care for Wes Anderson, but this was delightful.

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3. The Master

Alternate title: “Homoeroticism: The Motion Picture.”

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2. The Perks of Being a Wallflower

The best and most heartbreakingly sincere Pretty White People With Problems movie in a good while.

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1. Amour

oh my god these old-ass french people are so old and their bodies don’t work and they have to watch the ones they love the most die and one day i will be old, broken, and sad too

http://www.dailytargum.com/opinion/letters_to_editor/english-department-fails-to-address-racism/article_210a48b8-2549-11e1-a594-0019bb30f31a.html

http://jezebel.com/5868026/rutgers-english-dept-responds-to-racist-email

SO.

There seems to be an understandable demand for some hardcore Song of the Southing and preferably whiskey-based cocktails to accompany.

originally, i wanted to stand in front of this forum and speak some pretty but forceful words about moderating prejudice. this is How Not To Be Racist 101. listen well. check your privilege. consider your position.  respect anger.

but i can’t do that now. in my heart, i know that i could literally hold your hands and whisper sweet nothings in your ears, but anything that actually asked you to confront something inside yourselves would be met with resistance. defensiveness.

but i’m not racist.

My house is small, but my sound system is mighty, and I suggest that for those of you who’d rather not go on an awkward date with Brad to see The Help tomorrow come join me for some rollicking Disneyfied Ole Darkeyism.

yes you are.

the words and actions of this department and its students have been horrifying. so horrifying that students of color have had to organize a forum to address them. even alone, this should be a startling slap in the face. it should wake you up. you’ve made people so uncomfortable, and so unsafe, that they feel the need to address it publicly.

this is why offering nothing less than a full-throated and stinging rebuke of this department, its administration, and its students would be tantamount to hypocrisy. it would be a monstrous betrayal. it would make me into a hypocrite.

I guess I am the only ragtime/minstrel-loving fool in the bunch

but what do you even say to a department that has tried to cover up its shame for the last three months? what does one say to an administration that, even in the wake of this forum, will lie on every conceivable level? they will fabricate a timeline. they will claim they supported this forum when they tried to stop faculty from attending it. they will even claim they have responded to their racism when it has taken them three months and a student-organized forum to do so.  what do you say?

i’m not sure

but moments like this reveal the depths of one’s commitments.

i came to this department to study race, but i’ve been made into a fool. there is nothing more that could be done to convince me that my studies and my convictions are secondary both to this department’s reputation, and to the feelings and concerns of its white students. i have been asked to apologize to the student who sent the original email, by her friends. and by this department’s administration. my friends and i have been bullied, strong-armed, and threatened. this student was protected because it was in the department’s interests to do so. but more troublingly, it was also because she was part of the body that represents graduate students. and she retained that position for the entire year.

But I might yell racist things at the TV.

i won’t play this game. i will not shut my mouth until i get tenure.

what happened in this department was wrong. the students who participated in it are wrong. the administration is wrong. everything about it is wrong.

and every day, it kills me that the student who wrote this email is still here. she continues to occupy space. she teaches undergraduates. one day, she will receive her phd and wind up at a great school. and she will drag her conviction that she was the victim here to wherever she finds herself.

If you do come, hooch is most welcome, as are straw hats and other Darkeyisms.  I might even buy a watermillyum if I get enough interest.

i want to point her out. her and her friends. i want to say their names.

i do not understand why she and her friends get to retain their anonymity. i do not understand it at all. not after every meeting, every discussion, every time i’ve identified myself in front of entire groups of people. all of the times i’ve said: yes, i reported those emails. yes, i have a problem with them. yes, i am angry. and yes, i refuse to be silenced.

to the white people in and outside of this department: i am uninterested in your excuses. they are tired. there is not a thing you could say to me that i have not heard before. yes, this student is symptomatic of a larger problem, but that symptom still needs to be treated. when you in any way attempt to excuse this student’s behavior, you demean me, and you demean yourselves.

I’m still going to watch it tomorrow at 8ish with my straw hat on head and my Jack Daniels in hand, but I won’t call it a party anymore so much as what?  An experience? A communion with my shamefully preferred era of Disney? An excuse for alcoholism?

we have to be better than this.

otherwise, what am i doing? why am i here? if i can’t speak forthrightly about an obviously racist email, what authority do i have to speak about race at all? if i am not better than this, then i am a fraud. a hypocrite. why am i here? what am i doing? 

there are people in this department who view the historic and present oppression of my people as nothing more than an excuse for laughs. for the last several months, i have been forced to sit in a classroom with these people.  i have been asked to discuss race with them, when they can’t even discuss acts of racism against the people of color who are in the same room as them. it’s a farce. it’s an absolute joke.

let me tell you what it’s like to be a light-skinned black boy who speaks out against racism in a white space. you feel like you can’t think. can’t breathe. like you’ve lost your mind. like you’re paranoid. like you’ve tripped the light fantastic and stumbled into the twilight zone. and you feel the privilege, the innate privilege of your light skin. if i couldn’t pass for white, what would this situation have looked like? in what ways do i make white people comfortable? i can’t imagine. i can imagine.

but i won’t do it anymore.

i can’t.

i won’t be silenced.

i won’t be silent.

i won’t.

just me, the movie, and the watermelon.

~I’m about to spoil this entire book. Fair warning.~

Some folks would have you believe that feminism is dead. It accomplished its goals, perhaps went too far sometimes, and now it’s dead. Buried. Indeed, we are post-feminist. True equality and all that. I’m not one of these people. I think feminism is very much alive. But were I to be forced to accept its death, I would have to submit that its specter still haunts us all, sometimes crying out from the pitch black. And I am its harbinger. I have come to let you know that feminism has given Gone Girl  a rating of “W” for: “Wow, totally fucked up bullshit.”

Gone Girl is a novel largely concerned with the failed marriage of its protagonists, but this plot thread is inextricable from the narrative’s mystery/thriller elements. Amy and Nick meet as beautiful, young, successful people in New York City. Nick is a working-class Midwesterner, now writing for a magazine. Amy is born-and-raised in NYC. She writes personality quizzes, and is substantially wealthy due to a series of children’s books written by her parents, but based on her alter-ego, Amazing Amy, who breezes through life’s challenges with aplomb. Their relationship appears to go smoothly for quite a while, but there are early warning signs. Both Amy and Nick seem like Grade A narcissists. On each yearly anniversary, Amy creates a scavenger hunt filled with clues based on their year together. The problem is that Nick is so unobservant and self-centered that he can’t actually figure the clues out; at the same time, Nick sees the scavenger hunt as less about them as a couple and more about Amy. In short, both characters are shitty to each other.

Eventually, Amy and Nick are laid-off from their respective jobs. Money problems begin to crop up. They live in a leased apartment in Brooklyn paid for by Amy’s parents, but her parents aren’t as well-off as they once were. Turns out, they need to take money out of Amy’s trust fund, to the tune of 600k+, to deal with their own financial issues. When Nick’s mother falls ill, he decides to move back to Missouri with Amy, in order to help his sister care for their dying mother. In Missouri, Nick takes a loan from Amy to finance a bar, which he runs with his sister, Margot. Obviously, this adds even more tension and resentment to their relationship.

I think this may actually be the best part of the novel. It’s all about people’s expectations when going into a relationship. How does one balance what we expect of those we love with the stark reality that they are flawed human beings, just like us? That, in all likelihood, no matter how much we love our partners, they will fail, disappoint, anger, and sadden us? What if the person you love just isn’t who you thought they were? In a way these are super basic themes, but no less resonant because of that. This novel’s depiction of relationship that just isn’t working for a number of reasons (lack of affection, lack of sex, outsized expectations, changing circumstances, plain incompatibility) feels achingly, painfully real. For the entire first half of the novel, I was just deeply moved by these people who seemed to be in love were just too fucked up to fix their problems.

Then, one day, Amy is gone. She has disappeared. Nick is blindsided, wandering around in a bit of a fog. And not appearing to be the distraught husband one might expect. Gradually, suspicious details emerge. Nick is obviously withholding information from the reader. Why does he have a second cell phone that keeps ringing? Why does he keep imagining his wife’s skull? Why can’t he account for his location during the time of Amy’s alleged disappearance/murder? There is other, alarming evidence: cleaned-up blood, a strangely disheveled living room, and a stockpile of Man Toys that Nick appears to have bought on credit but claims to know nothing about.

If the disintegrating marriage is the best part of the novel, this may be the second best. Gillian Flynn, the author, does a wildly successful job of building the case against Nick. Up until the actual reveal, I entertained three theories:

1. Nick had actually killed Amy

2. Nick and Amy had faked her death to get the insurance money

3. Amy is alive and framing Nick

It is all to Flynn’s immense credit that she had me more or less convinced of 1. even though 3. seems to make much more sense. The detail that sealed it for me was Nick’s father’s misogyny clearly having taken root in Nick himself. I got all wrapped up in the idea that this might be a story about generational misogyny. How we learn attitudes like misogyny from our environment, whether from our parents, friends, the things we consume, etc. It felt really exciting. That novel still needs to be written.

So, yes. Amy’s alive. She’s framing Nick. She discovered his infidelity, and planned her “death” for months. Honestly, when the reveal happens, it’s kind of amazing. There’s a surge of relief that Amy’s alive and exacting some kind of revenge on her husband. The fact that the revenge is fairly extreme is reasoned away by the genre’s inherent silliness. But problems quickly surface.

As much as one wants to root for Amy for getting back at (what appears to be) a truly awful husband, it’s hard to ignore the fact that the extent of Amy’s plan is truly monstrous. She plans to commit suicide to conclusively incriminate Nick. What’s more, we discover that the Amy we’ve known up to this point is basically a lie; all of the chapters we’ve been reading from Amy’s point-of-view are faked diary entries, meant to make Nick-as-murderer even more plausible.

But let’s stop here for a moment. There’s nothing wrong, or inherently unworkable, about a novel featuring thoroughly unlikable or heinous characters. Amy is essentially a sociopath. Nick is a wormy, adulterous man-child. They are both terrible, and that’s fine. However, I do want to think a bit about why Amy is how she is.

Throughout the novel I tried to make sense of the backhanded comments toward feminism. Early in the story, Amy says something about “post-feminism” men who are too afraid to be sexually/romantically aggressive. Later, she will make a comment about how her “feminist” parents exploited her childhood to sell books. I don’t quite know what to do with this. What’s clear is that Amy is something of a feminist. There is a delightfully acerbic passage, near her “alive” reveal, wherein she savages the idea that women should stand by while their partners casually ignore them and anything they might deem important. But I don’t know what to say about the rest of this. I mean, clearly, the comment about “post-feminism” men is total bullshit. If men were that reserved about sex we wouldn’t have the problem with rape that we do now. I guess the bit about her parents is meant to signal that “feminist” parents wouldn’t exploit their daughter? I suppose that’s true.

But what I’m really interested in is this: what are we to make of an evil character who is stereotypically evil in the same way that many would characterize “evil feminists”?

So I went to the author’s website, which turned out to be instructive. She described a kind of modus operandi in relation to one of her other novels, but one that also appears evident in Gone Girl:

It’s not a particularly flattering portrait of women, which is fine by me. Isn’t it time to acknowledge the ugly side? I’ve grown quite weary of the spunky heroines, brave rape victims, soul-searching fashionistas that stock so many books. I particularly mourn the lack of female villains — good, potent female villains. Not ill-tempered women who scheme about landing good men and better shoes (as if we had nothing more interesting to war over), not chilly WASP mothers (emotionally distant isn’t necessarily evil), not soapy vixens (merely bitchy doesn’t qualify either). I’m talking violent, wicked women. Scary women. Don’t tell me you don’t know some. The point is, women have spent so many years girl-powering ourselves — to the point of almost parodic encouragement — we’ve left no room to acknowledge our dark side.

To be frank, my first thought upon reading this was: “Oh, so this woman’s just an asshole?” I mean, really? You’re tired of the “brave rape victims”? Considering what you do in this novel, give me a fucking break. That aside, Flynn’s project — that of writing interesting female villains — is a fascinating and completely worthwhile endeavor. I just think the thought process by which she’s arrived at this project is deeply flawed. Let’s pay close attention to what she blames for the lack of compelling female baddies — the lack of the female dark side: “The point is, women have spent so many years girl-powering ourselves — to the point of almost parodic encouragement — we’ve left no room to acknowledge our dark side.”

Essentially, she blames feminism. There has been too much girl power — almost enough to be parodic — and now we can’t have proper female villains. This conclusion is ludicrous. Has uncontested male dominance for, like, ever, also failed to produce compelling male villains? Then why should it be true of the last 40 or so years where women have basically said, “hey, we’re human beings, too”? I would submit that the dearth of female villains can be easily explained by cultural misogyny. It’s the same reason we don’t see a variety of nuanced female characters across popular mediums, which is to say that we simply value male experience over female experience. It’s why we have Women in Refrigerators and the Manic Pixie Dream Girl. It’s why many brilliant actresses are relegated to roles in terrible romantic comedies. The lack of female villains is indicative of a larger cultural problem that has little to do with feminism; instead, it has has everything to do with a society that strongly circumscribes roles for women.

But if we’re going to take a ride on the Gillian Flynn Thriller Train, we should pay close attention to how the female villain manifests in Gone Girl. What’s her MO? What makes her particularly villainous? Coming away from this book, it’s hard not to get the impression that a large part of what comprises this particular female dark side is lying about rape. Repeatedly. Fake rape accusations make up no less than three major plot moments in the novel. It’s kind of staggering. She falsely accuses an ex because he lost interest in her. Her fake diary implies that, at some point, all of Amy and Nick’s sex becomes de-facto rape. Finally, to conveniently explain her disappearance (so she can reunite with Nick), Amy murders a man and claims that he had been keeping her hostage, raping her every day.

Ok. Is rape a horrible thing to lie about? Absolutely. Do women lie about it? Sure, but statistics tell us that false rape accusations are no more or less common than false accusations for other crimes. It’s really troubling, as I’m sure it’s supposed to be, that Amy lies over and over about being raped. There’s nothing inherently wrong with writing a character like Amy. But should we pretend this is an act of subversion? At the end of the day, doesn’t Amy play into a historically ubiquitous narrative that says women lie about rape constantly? Simply to be malicious. Because they wanted to have sex, but were ashamed afterwards. For any number of other coercive or manipulative reasons.

Before we set out on the path of writing an Amy, I think we should take care to note that our society makes real-life survivors of rape into villains every single day. We assume ulterior motives. We invade and question their sexual history as if it’s relevant. We make rape survivors into whores and sluts, into evil, evil women who are only out to hurt and punish men. And that’s if we don’t ignore them altogether, or if they can summon the courage to report the rape at all. I think the brave rape victims that Flynn is so bothered by are likely a literary reaction to this hard reality.

And I understand the other part of what Flynn meant to accomplish here. She wanted to take the narrative of “wife disappears, husband obviously killed her” and turn it on its head. That’s a fascinating idea for a novel, and for the first half of Gone Girl she nails it. Then all of the twists happen. I mean, isn’t it the case that the husband often is the culprit? Like, that’s reality. I guess I’m not exactly sure where the value is in this particular application of that concept.  The value feels even more suspect when the result is a character so outlandish and over-the-top that she is less villain, more supervillain. She should be going up against Batman, not some washed-up loser. Amy’s gift for foresight and planning is truly remarkable. She’s being totally wasted here. I understand Flynn’s impulse for subversion, but the realization of that impulse is kind of bizarre. As Marlo Stanfield once famously said: you want it to be one way, but it’s the other way.

So, Gone Girl ends with Amy and Nick reunited, and it feels so awful. Aware of her deception(s), Nick rightfully wants nothing to do with her. As her final act of malice, Amy impregnates herself with Nick’s sperm, thereby trapping him in their loveless, terrifying marriage out of pure spite. Let’s recap here: Amy framed a man for murder, murdered another man, repeatedly lied about rape, and ruined the lives of at least several people. And to top off a year of emotional torment she gets pregnant to trap her husband? Comparatively, Nick’s only sin was being a terrible and adulterous partner. However terrible he may have been, that’s the extent of what he actually “did.”  Amy is not an interesting or compelling villain. She is the crystallization of a thousand misogynist myths and fears about female behavior. If we strapped a bunch of Men’s Rights Advocates to beds and downloaded their nightmares, I don’t think we’d come up with stuff half as ridiculous as this plot.

It’s such a shame. Flynn is super-duper talented. This is a really well-written novel, downright insightful about the rigors of relationships and marriages. It’s almost tempting to say that the book is ruined by the trappings of the genre, but I don’t think that’s a fair conclusion. Ultimately, Gone Girl is done in by its ambition. It desperately wants to do interesting, subversive things, but in trying to, falls into some really misogynist narratives and implications. The specific ways in which Amy is evil (lying about rape, using pregnancy as a manipulative device) feel so entangled with misogynist caricatures created by anti-women and antifeminists that it really sinks the entire novel.

In the end, I suppose Gone Girl is really indicative of a post-feminist mindset, wherein the problems of misogyny become somehow the fault of feminism. Perhaps this is why the novel has a weird jab at post-feminist men. Perhaps that’s how one can say brave rape victims are tired, and go on to write a novel like Gone Girl. Or how we can blame the lack of diverse female characters on girl power. It’s a strange world out there for feminism, but this particular mystery isn’t fooling me.

I want to get this out of the way more or less immediately: I don’t hate Girls. During the time I watched it, the show was funny and often charming. More importantly, when it tackled certain issues (HPV and body image come to mind), it did so with a bluntness and an honesty that resonated. Those two qualities are in short supply for most TV shows. Girls is not a show where I just can’t imagine why anyone likes it.

Though I’ve criticized the show vocally among friends, I have largely avoided writing down a cohesive argument. I don’t particularly mean to do so here either. Part of the reason I have avoided it is because I feel as if it is not necessarily my place. Why jump into the fray when it has been handled so beautifully by women like Kendra James at Racialicious? Why add my male voice to the cacophony when other guys have already done it so poorly (I’m looking at you, Boys Who Talk About Girls @ Jezebel)?

I suppose what I really want to do is merely bolster and reaffirm the arguments that have already been made by women of color. Kendra James’s article, titled “Dear Lena Dunham: I Exist,” is so great, because in a world of pop culture that seeks to erase or circumscribe your existence, claiming visibility for yourself and for people like you is a powerfully political act. I want to be careful here, though. James speaks primarily to the visibility of black women who occupy similar social circles as Lena Dunham. Therefore, we can’t reasonably take James’s argument as a call for the broad representation of black women (as varied and diverse as they are). For the specific purposes of discussing Girls, this argument works well toward striking at some of the most defensive counterarguments.

The counterargument that I want to most vigorously shred is the one that invokes realism, or that old writing maxim “write what you know,” as a defense. I always thought “write what you know” was a bad cliché. Like something the high school creative writing teacher says to the talented student in a Hallmark movie. That’s not to say that “write what you know” is necessarily bad advice. Clearly, a writer will want to draw from their surroundings, and from people they know when constructing a story. This makes sense. But to write only what you know seems like frightfully bad advice. It’s particularly awful advice when all of the people who have the opportunity to write are often white, often rich, and often men. This status quo severely limits the experiences that get written and deemed worthy to produce into a film or television series. Writers should write what they know while being creative, thoughtful, and empathetic enough (also, we should just be honest: talented enough) to venture outside those boundaries.

I’ve had to consign Girls to the “white people shit I want to care about but really can’t” pile(1). Joining it this year is AMC’s sometimes-brilliant show Mad Men. Mad Men and Girls  are similar in more ways than I think people realize. Before one even gets to the issue of race, I find both shows politically, culturally, and socially tone-deaf. In a time of great economic distress, two of the most talked about series on TV follow the personal struggles and failings of rich white people(2).

With Mad Men, obviously the idea is that it’s a critique of the 60s. See, they don’t mention black people or civil rights because white people didn’t care then. Well, I mean, ok. This is a revelation for some people, I’m sure. But I do not find Mad Men‘s 60s critique particularly substantial, meaningful, or compelling. It feels very light. It’s a soap opera with a faux-intellectual aura around it. That’s not to say that Mad Men doesn’t sometimes do genuinely brilliant things — the recent episode concerning Joan and the Jaguar deal was a truly unparalleled bit of television. Its gender critique was shockingly sophisticated — the kind of thing I hope for in my television — but episodes like that are few and far between. Megan is, I think, one of the show’s best additions. Her generational conflict with Don brings out a lot of important questions of gender inequality.  She has aspirations and ambitions that Don can’t control. The conflict that creates has felt really central. In most cases, though, I do not find the mere representation of gender inequality in the 60s to be a compelling critique.

In general, the reason I watch Mad Men is for the women characters, but I just don’t feel like I get enough out of it. Then if you venture at all into the fandom, it feels as if the stuff the show does well goes entirely over people’s heads. Hero worship of people like Don and Roger. Defenses of Pete Campbell, a literal rapist who continues to prey on women in the show. I just can’t take it. I don’t hold it against the show, but it’s such a strange dynamic — and when the current season ended with, essentially, a question of whether Don would be unfaithful or not… I can say, emphatically, I do not give a shit.

I suppose the question plaguing me is: why these shows, and why now? I know nostalgia is basically always “in” these days, so I get the public draw to a very well-made show about the 60s. And Girls is a show by a woman, starring women, about their post-grad experiences. In a post-Bridesmaids world, I see why it got made. So maybe the real question is: why, in 2012, are we still creating shows that in their very inception don’t allow spaces for people of color? Mad Men literally cannot deal with race because all of its characters are sheltered from it (sorry, a secretary who speaks once every few episodes does not count). When Lena Dunham was asked about race in her show, she said:

“I wrote the first season primarily by myself, and I co-wrote a few episodes. But I am a half-Jew, half-WASP, and I wrote two Jews and two WASPs.”

Well, ok. I want to be super careful here. I started by saying that I don’t hate Girls, and that I find it successful in at least a few ways. But, um, if you have no experiences outside of who/what you are — that is to say, rich and white — er, perhaps you shouldn’t have a TV show. This is why the show feels like a failure. I would agree with The Hairpin, which called it “alienating.” I get that the show’s existence might be a net good for a very particular subset of women (and men, I suppose), but don’t we have to do better than that? Can’t we ask for more? It’s just not acceptable to me in 2012 to produce a show that speaks to the experiences of rich white folks as an unfailing universal. And I want to be clear that I’m not saying, “Take Lena Dunham’s show away! She sucks!” I’m just, like, hey. If you can write an entire season without noticing you’ve completely excluded people of color and different class backgrounds, you have a whole lot of growing to do and I don’t really care to be witness to it.

I guess this is why I really appreciated Louis CK’s choice to cast a black woman as the mother of his lily-white children. Even that appears fraught with a bit of fetishism, but the choice is so bold that it has to be commended. It completely upsets this “realism” argument, which is just a racist justification anyway. No one expects The Treatise on Race in Contemporary New York City from Lena Dunham or Louis CK. Rather, people of color are asking for representation as full human beings. That’s all. On one level, I think Louis got that, and on another level, I think he just wanted to fuck with people. I can respect both impulses.

Grey’s Anatomy (which I think I may write on soon) is also a show that doesn’t fret about doing a lot of complex race work. Instead, it bets heavily on the power of representation, and wins big with characters like Cristina Yang and Miranda Bailey. Depicted as full and complex human beings, I think they are some of the best women of color characters on TV, ever. The writers understand those characters very well, and the actresses are at the top of their game. Whatever you may think about the rest of the show, and I definitely have my issues, I’m totally in love with those two. But, hey, the Grey’s showrunner is a black woman.

I recently heard a critique, which posited that the Girls criticism, as put forth by Racialicious author Kendra James, was “narcissistic” and needed to be “bolder” by calling for broader representation in pop culture more generally. I consider this nothing less than myopic, a serious misreading of the criticism itself. It’s the kind of critique that can only be uttered if one is just entering the arena of race and pop culture criticism. Racialicious is an entire site devoted to the examination of race and pop culture. Contained within every bit of the work that appears on that site is a call for better TV, film, video games, etc. that represent people of color. This critique did not begin, and will not end with Girls. Girls merely, due to its popularity, provided a useful opportunity to address the issue on a level that was seen by those who do not usually participate in race and pop culture criticism. I can assure all of the white folks out there: people of color had very similar things to say about Friends, Seinfeld, Sex and the City, and every other bit of whitewashed nonsense to flash across the television screen. You just were not listening.

This entry has been a bit unfocused, because my thoughts on these shows are fraught with a lot of different tensions. It’s painful for me to be so critical of a show like Girls, which does some good work and showcases a very particular talent. Mad Men is a show that’s really hard to be critical of, because it’s so beloved, and people appear to have a lot invested in it. I enjoyed parts of Girls, and quite a bit of Mad Men. I am constantly trying to negotiate between what I need from entertainment, and what is actually available to me, as well as what I am told I absolutely must see.

For now, I think I will take a page from Latoya Peterson at Racialicious and say: right now I have no desire to integrate into any burning houses.

(1) My “white people shit I want to care about but really can’t” pile is markedly different from my “white people shit i will never care about” which is infinitely smaller, because white people do a lot of cool things.

(2) The other most talked about show, Game of Thrones, is entirely about the power struggles of white kings and queens, lords and ladies (see: your social betters) while everyone else suffers. I suppose this could be construed as some kind of critique, but the show (and its fans) are really invested in that struggle. I just want the sex workers in the brothels to rise up and murder everyone.

Ok, so, everyone and their grandma has weighed in on the whole Daniel Tosh thing by now. Most of what needs to be said has already been said by people funnier and smarter than me. Here are some cool examples:

Shakesville: Some Further Observations

Jezebel: How to Make a Rape Joke

Austin Culture Map: The best response we’ve heard to Daniel Tosh’s ‘misquoted’ rape jokes

Yeah, ok. Cool. Smart people saying smart things. I totally dig it. More of this, please!

I guess I just wanted to respond to a particular thread I kept seeing crop up in some discussions. Basically, feminists were often accused of being mean and “condescending.” They were told to “calm down” because the situation didn’t require so much outrage. The conclusion ended up being: I would listen to you if you weren’t so angry.

As a person of color, let me tell you that this is probably one of the top five defenses of the privileged. It’s right up there with “well, actually, you’re being the racist/sexist” and other delightful bon mots. I wrote this in another comments section, but I thought I would throw it up here, if only so I can refer back to it when I inevitably get in this discussion AGAIN. I’ll just be pasting a link to this entry from now on. Done! As I said, I feel like it applies in discussions with other oppressed groups, not just women.

Men need to understand that it is not the job of individual feminists to teach them about feminist concepts (like rape culture) in a coddling way, or in a way that allows them to feel good about themselves. Even alone, this is an assertion of a totally unacceptable kind of male privilege. “Teach me, but don’t be too harsh or I’ll just ignore everything you say.” Well, no. You don’t get that luxury. A couple of condescending remarks or a “fuck you” aren’t harsh. Harsh is telling a woman to get gang-raped. Harsh is the reality that 1 in 4 women will be raped, and existing in a culture that trivializes that fact.

Take those crocodile tears somewhere else. If your requirement before you even enter the discourse (on something as volatile as rape, even) is “don’t be too mean to me,” then you really need to take a step back and examine why that’s the case. (Hint: it’s your privilege). You may want to think about what it’s like for the women and feminists arguing against you. This is not the first time, nor will it be the last, that they have heard these arguments and dealt with this kind of defensiveness. They have likely already tried to be sweet and nice, but guess what? Sweet and nice doesn’t override years of ingrained privilege and socialization. Why should you, some dude, get the benefit of the doubt? Why do they have the obligation to be nice when literally 1 in 4 women will be raped and you are being an asshole in a DISCUSSION ABOUT RAPE? Come on, man. I’m sorry that you thought people were being condescending, but man, if that causes you to check out and throw away the entire message, your priorities are really fucked up.

Ultimately, the question for me is: what’s more important? Is it your ability to feel good, or is it the actual physical and emotional violence inflicted on women every day, in which you’re complicit right now by being such an asshole?

Note: In the excerpt I use the statistic 1 in 4, which I believe I’ve confused with statistics for rape in the military. For the general population, RAINN says 1 in 6. I have also heard 1 in 5. All of these numbers are unacceptable, and likely conservative, because rape is severely underreported. This is your daily reminder that everything is terrible.

Okay, what the hell? What is going on? What is wrong with people? Look, it’s no news to me that America (and the world more generally) is often and exuberantly hateful toward women. I know the statistics on the gender wage gap and rape and sexual assault. I have followed with growing sickness my country’s continued war on women’s existence. And as a person who partakes in some fairly geeky subcultures, I am not blind or unaware of the scorn often heaped on women in these circles, or even on the internet at large. My entire blog is about pointing to sexism in popular media. I know how bad things are.

Despite all of this, the fact remains that I am a man. I don’t have misogyny all up in my grill, all day and every day. I don’t have to deal with creepy dudes when I’m just trying to talk about atheism at a conference (and then get threatened when I call it out). I don’t have to consider the very real possibility of sexual assault in a variety of circumstances (at parties, at school, at home, walking down the god damn street). I don’t have my worth or intelligence questioned purely because of my gender. I’m not looked at constantly as a sexual object or potential conquest. My basic human rights (as a man) are not up for discussion.

All of this is to say that I am still stunned, just blown away, by the amount of misogyny that women have to deal with on an average day, often for simply Having A Thing to Say About Another Thing. While I will be the first to say that movies, music, and other popular media have their problems (a lot of them, enough to make anyone angry) there is something wrong with gamer culture. Just plain wrong. And awful enough to make me not want to play or talk about games again. It is poisonous and vile. Before I get into exactly what inspired this post, I want to share a short video:

I. Just. WHAT.

This video is awful. It crystallizes so many things. Independently, and with the knowledge that there is a female judge*, these developers came up with some repulsively misogynistic pitches. And they really run the gamut. You’ve got attacks on women’s age, appearance, reproduction, sexuality, as well as outright mockery of the idea that some women want to be treated as full human beings. I can’t quite put into words the force of this video’s badness. It radiates off it it like heat, or stink lines, just smacking me across the face with atrociousness. Feminist apocalypse**. What planet are these people living on?

Look. Ok. Clearly, not all game developers or gamers are misogynist scumbags. You know this, I know this. But there is a clear problem. There is enough of a problem that Anita Sarkeesian, a wonderfully talented feminist pop culture critic, launched a kickstarter project that proposes to examine the representations of women in video games. The project is already well past its funding requirements, but it is one well worth supporting (it ends June 16th). As is typical for Sarkeesian, I expect that her analysis will be useful, incisive, and provoke interesting discussion. The problem isn’t the project, it is the response it received from male gamers.

Sarkeesian gives a lot of the details about the harassment she received in this update to her kickstarter post. Trigger warning, because awful, and because I plan to refer to it here. A selection of the comments she received on her youtube page:

“She needs a good dicking, good luck finding it though,” “You are a fucking hypocrite slut,” “Would be better if she filmed this in the kitchen,” “She is a JEW,” “Hope you get cancer,” “Claims women [shouldn't] be sexualized and then wears a low cut top in most videos,” “back to the kitchen, cunt,” “scamming people won’t solve a thing you useless cunt,” “bitches are gonna bitch,” “RAPING HER WITH YOUR WORDS,” and the ever classic, “tits or get the fuck out.”

Her Wikipedia page was also repeatedly vandalized with sexist slurs and porn.

This is horrific. Totally unacceptable. The immediate dismissal and dehumanization of Sarkeesian parallels exactly how women are treated in video games. It is a culture that developers contribute to with every rape/murder room, ridiculously oversexualized female character, awful feminist joke, or all of the sexist garbage lobbed at Catwoman in Arkham City. We could keep going, but the point is that there is a problem, and it can be located directly in those people who make and play games.

But I don’t want to sound too naive here. After all, Sarkeesian’s project is funded and will move forward. She has received harassment similar to this before (but not as a concerted effort, she admits). Surely, many women across the internet do. I’m sure Melissa McEwan at Shakesville gets a lot of this, and the women at Jezebel, or Feministing, etc. get the same. I know none of this new to them. The internet is gonna internet. Youtube is a cesspool. You can’t let comments on the internet wreck your emotional well-being.

But these cannot be used as excuses to sit by and do nothing while sexist, hateful nonsense like this continues. 

Sarkeesian left the Youtube comments open because, ironically, they offered proof of the necessity of her work. She was right to do so, but it won’t be the last time something like this happens. Outrageous situations like Sarkeesian’s have to function as something more, especially for the limited subculture in which this particular incident is operating. Actions like this need to serve as a wakeup call to male gamers and developers that something is deeply, deeply wrong with the work they create and take pleasure in.

Men who consider themselves gamers, or who buy and play video games, have a moral responsibility to confront this misogyny. And I don’t mean this in a selfish white knight way, or a boring “protect the women” sort of way. There is no honor to guard here. What is at stake is our passive participation in a culture that perpetuates and glorifies a larger, predominantly sexist mass culture.

The work I am calling for requires deep and often painful introspection to locate these beliefs and attitudes inside ourselves. I want to stress that this work does not end. You will have to constantly reevaluate and challenge yourself. Misogynist, sexist thoughts and behaviors are too deeply rooted in our psyches for this to be a quick job. Then comes the equally difficult task of locating these attitudes around us, in the people we socialize with, and yes, in the media we consume. Sometimes this will mean having a discussion with a close friend, or just straight up not buying that game where the woman doesn’t do anything and hardly has any clothes on.

Developers can take concrete steps, like not giving robots camel toes. Not sexualizing every single woman character, period. Toning down the sexist nonsense thrown at women characters. Actually writing good, fully-realized women characters that don’t rely solely on cheap tropes and clichés. There are already developers starting to do this kind of work. The most popular game to point to is Portal 2, but I think the Uncharted series did a fairly decent job with Elena and Chloe. The new Assassin’s Creed, currently awaiting release in the Fall on the Vita, will have a black female protagonist. How that will turn out remains to be seen, but this is the kind of thing developers need to start doing more.

Video games did not create sexism, and they certainly will not end it. In large part, video games are sexist because our larger culture is sexist. Again, we can’t use these things as excuses. That is why I have advocated starting small, questioning our own beliefs and behaviors. Women and feminists like Sarkeesian, and others, are typically the ones to initiate these media critiques. But we have to be the ones to internalize them and make them actionable. After all, the disgusting treatment women receive for daring to speak on the internet is not actually their problem; instead, it is our problem as men. It is a problem with our attitudes toward women that makes treatment like that seem acceptable.

To be sure, the internet is an awful, nasty place. Racist. Sexist. Homophobic. Transphobic. Ableist. Classist. Just generally mean. Has been for a while. Anyone who offers themselves up is likely to get smacked down, harshly. This alone is a kind of unacceptable bullying. But the very specific harassment that women receive, especially in subcultures like gaming, is cause for concern. It is not just mean. It is a meanness born of our larger society’s hateful and dismissive attitudes toward women. And we should all find this intolerable.

*I don’t even know why I think the presence of a woman should have toned them down. It likely emboldened them.

**I welcome the Feminist Apocalypse.

Or, I am! I’ll tell you something about grad school: it’s a really stressful environment, obviously, but for me only about 10% of that had to do with coursework, and the rest had to do with the people. My god, the people, and academic politics. A deadly mixture. I encountered some truly heinous ideologies attached to some of the most thoroughly unpleasant people I have ever met. But it’s over for a few precious months.

I wanted to get directly back into blogging, hence the shiny new post. It’s my hope that I will be able to do shorter pieces. Part of my problem with keeping consistent is the need I feel to be at least somewhat thorough when critiquing A Thing (and yet every post ends up rambling and half-baked, alas). I want to let that concern float away and just post stuff.

In honor of this new attitude, I’m posting some short thoughts on Lissie’s cover of a Hank Williams song called “Wedding Bells,” which was originally recorded in 1949(!!)

So, a woman had to have done a cover of this song before, right? Hard for me to believe otherwise. I could Google it, but, eh. I first found this cover about a year ago, and my initial reaction was, wow, that’s really subversive. Lissie takes a song that was originally sung by a straight white man and makes it about a lesbian relationship denied. Now, it’s totally unclear if that’s what Lissie meant to do. She’s kind of brilliant, so she must have seen the implications. I also know that she’s not gay, but she could very well be bisexual. All of this is neither here nor there.

What’s clear is that there are parts of the song gendered in such a way that they reflect both the male gender of the original singer, and the female gender of the ex-lover. The singer is invited to a wedding to see an ex-lover “change [their] name.” He “bought a little band of gold” that he hoped one day to place on his ex-lover’s finger. Finally, there’s the “blossom from an orange tree in [their] hair.” Obviously, no man in 1949 was changing his name for a woman. So what we have is a simple tale of heterosexual unrequited love. Man loves woman. Man and woman split. Woman marries someone else. Man is sad. Simple.

Lissie’s cover, specifically the lack of changes to the gendered content, really lends the song entirely new valence. It’s no longer a song just about a heterosexual couple that broke up. It feels to me like it’s about a lesbian couple that can’t be together. This, combined with the undeniable, palpable sadness of Lissie’s performance feels as if it transforms the song into an implicit critique of heternormativity and heterosexism. It’s unclear exactly why they can’t be together, but I am sure that, even in 2012, we can imagine backstories that would keep a gay couple apart, or force a gay person into a heterosexual marriage. We also know that now, in 2012, there are only a few states that even allow gay marriage.

And I think the marriage dimension of the entire song becomes the most powerful part of Lissie’s cover. It becomes a devastating reminder of the effect that the denial of a basic civil right has on the every day lives of LGBT people. The singer’s refrain that “wedding bells will never ring for me” not only signals the loss of a love, but the despair that larger society may never even support that love at some nebulous time in the future that, indeed, sometimes “looks so dark and cold.”

I’m just intensely fascinated by how the simple changing of genders in a cover can make an old song seem so new and so vital. I’m also really amused, because Hank Williams’s son, Hank Williams, Jr. is a massive teabagger who compared Obama to Hitler. And when I googled Hank Wiliams, Jr., that article popped up on a gay news website. I really think the universe is trying to tell me something. So when I think of this song I just consider a big “fuck you” to people like THAT guy.

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